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Archive for April, 2008

I AM IMMORTAL!!!

So, what do you guys think? If you don’t say it’s awesome, I’ll ride my stallion into your house at night and point my sword at you. Just kidding. Actually I’m serious.

For real, what do you guys think? I think it’s really cool. I think for the next one I have done of myself, I will specify a few things that I really must have, i.e. a T-Rex and Indians riding Velociraptors, but I’m really happy with the way this turned out. And yes, Peter, the red and blue bi-planes are still in there. I may have one changed to a pterodactyl. I may also crop in from the bottom just a bit to save on printing costs, if it will make a significant price difference without ruining the painting. Other than that I’m pretty happy with it.

Great job, Ted!

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I got my painting back today! It rules so much. I can’t wait to put a version up on the web so you can all bask in the epic glory of me!

;)

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I love this story!

Guys, this could seriously be one of my favorite stories in the entire Bible. It’s 2 Kings 6:8-23. Basically the Arameans figure out that Elisha is a prophet, and that he can predict the movements of their army. They decide to capture Elisha, but the Lord strikes them with blindness. Elisha meets them and leads them right into the middle of the Israeli army. Then their blindness is taken away, and I bet every single Aramean peed his pants.

The king of Israel was like, “Can I kill them? Can I kill them?” But Elisha was like, “No, way, dude! We don’t play that way. Our God is merciful. Let’s throw them a feast instead.” (paraphrased)

I bet every single Aramean was like, “WHAT?!? Seriously? What the heck is going on?” And then when the Israelis brought the food out, I bet they were all like, “Dude, you try some first.” And the other guys were like, “No way, dude! You try it.” And then finally they were like, “Let’s make Mikey try it, he’ll eat anything. If he dies, we know it’s poisoned.”

But it wasn’t poisoned! It was super good food, and everybody ate and made friends, and the Arameans went home and had a CRAZY story to tell. It had to start with, “You’re not gonna believe this, but…”

I just think it’s so cool that God totally spared the army. I mean, it’s not like he hadn’t wiped out armies before. He could have demolished this one. Instead, he’s like, “Here ya go. Dinner’s on me tonight.”

So cool.

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Okay, I need help.

Did anyone understand the movie Southland Tales? I watched the whole thing thinking it was pretty cool but then at the ending, I was like, “What?! What?!? What just happened?!? How did this end?!”

Seriously, if you know, enlighten me.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaah…

My fever finally broke. Thank God.

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I know hell is usually a setting reserved for sequels number four or six, but I had this dream on the second run. Maybe it’s because my fever went up to 102.1 and it doesn’t seem to be dropping yet.

Anyway, this is a good one. If you know me, you know I’ve been looking for a job for about a month. Well, I just had this dream that I got a part time job as a shift lead in hell.

I swear to you, I am not making this up. It was my first day, and the guy who was showing me around was pretty normal except he had red skin and goat feet. He was pointing things out to me, like, “Basically, these levers control torturing people and lifting stuff, kind of like a crane.”

You guys, I know this sounds weird, but it was awesome. It wasn’t like a scary, realistic version of hell. It was more like the funny hell that Homer Simpson goes to where they force him to eat every donut in the world.

I couldn’t believe it when he pointed past me and said, “That stairway over there leads to heaven. It’s okay if people play on it, we just don’t actually let them get anywhere. If you push this button, the stairs go away and it turns into a ramp. It’s awesome.”

Man, I hate being sick, but it does have its perks.

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Fever Dream

In case you didn’t know, I’m sick. I took my temperature this morning and it read 100.6. Ugh. My head aches, and my whole body is sore, and I feel dizzy. But whatever.

The fun part about being sick is you get to sleep a lot. When you sleep, sometimes you dream, and when you’re sick, sometimes those dreams are really weird.

Take this one for example:

I dreamed that I was with a friend and we were going to get haircuts. So we went to this hole in the wall place that was supposed to be amazing. It was run by old men who were secretly masters of the hidden haircut arts, kind of like hidden kung fu masters, only with hair.

The place itself was really weird. Sometimes it was a small indoor place with bunk beds and barber’s chairs. Other times it was outdoors, right by the highway, and you could watch the big rigs go to and fro with cargo.

The old guys cut my friend’s hair, and in my dream I remember acting excited, but secretly thinking, That’s it? I could have done that. When it was my turn, the old guy assigned to me was Andy Griffith. He kept making a big deal about how we were going to cut my hair and was saying things like, “I think we’re going to typhoon the edges.”

I was more interested in the big rigs, though, and eventually decided I didn’t want my hair cut at all.

Now see, it’s worth it to be sick sometimes, right? It might not have been on the level of some of my other more Rambo-esque dreams, but it was still really cool.

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